


still in silence

by joouheika



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Manga Spoilers, Necrophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 10:32:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joouheika/pseuds/joouheika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all make mistakes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	still in silence

They’d fallen down.

Somewhere impossibly deep.

A well? 

An old mineshaft? 

Whatever it was, right now it is their grave.

They’d ventured too far from the wall. To their knowledge a vast majority of their comrades have already fallen. They’d sought to fight to the very end and kill as many as the titans as they possibly could given the situation.

With the intention on if they could, to survive such situation.

But then Levi’s 3D maneuver gear had been running out of gas.

He’d always been so careful about it, but not careful enough and really the numbers they had to fight had been too many even for them, so far into the lands they are.

Knowing he could not fight if the gear could not support him, he’d cut Eren out of his titan form, and finding this, whatever it was, intended with the last of the gear’s power to descend them down into it. Where no titan could reach them in the narrow space (hopefully) and figure out what the fuck to do from there.

He’d been more exhausted than he’d anticipated and on the way a titan’s reach had near got him, the passing blow had been enough to knock him out. All he’d been able to register before their fall had been Eren coming to enough to grab hold of him.

Eren must have shielded Levi thinking if anyone could survive this fall, he could.

Because of his titan shifting abilities his body healed impossibly fast, in many situations. Usually if he was well rested enough or his life greatly depended on it, it seems the ability was the more capable.

It’d failed him.

Rather- finally the wound inflicted was impossible for him to heal. There’d been some jagged rocks, stone, rubble, that the nape of his neck had cut upon. The blood no longer pours freely from the wound but it’d bled a lot. No doubt many of his bones are broken too. His entire body is limp beneath Levi, who wakes with his head against Eren’s chest, having been pulled against it. Eren had been sure out of everything, Levi’s head be covered. Protected.

Levi has a broken leg, maybe a few other bones he still hasn’t felt yet, with the 3D maneuver gear out of commission and Eren carrying none of his own- Levi is sure to die anyway despite Eren’s best efforts.

Eren was probably counting on partially transforming to climb them out, or for them after regaining their strength- to slowly and tediously climb back up and then retransforming and hopefully fighting their way back to the wall. He might not even have planned that far and only figured Levi would figure something out…

It’s never Eren’s intention to die no matter what the sacrifice, what burden he places on himself. So many times has he cheated death but the toll has finally been taken.

By Levi.

He has failed his duty.

To be honest, he’d never thought in this manner he’d kill Eren.

He pulls away the hand he’d been holding against Eren’s neck, where the cut is, trying to stop stopped blood. It’d stop flowing out even before he’d waken to utmost silence. No heartbeat.

It remains silent down here, the small patch of blue sky high above them the only form of light. The only opening and the only exit. Judging from the state of Eren’s corpse, it hasn’t been long. It hasn’t been days at least.

Levi wonders if the heat that remains is Eren’s own or his having lain against him this entire time.

Levi lies back down.

The leg that’s broken is the bad one (it’d become the bad one not because it never fully healed since that injury against the female titan, but because it’d had to heal).

Even if he wanted to climb out of here he can’t.

Slowly starving to death or slicing his own throat (stabbing yourself through the heart took too much effort, and was so overly dramatic) were still much better alternatives than being eaten alive by titans of course. Any day. Today.

Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe he’ll just cut his throat this moment and get it over with. However that’s rather a messy way to die and he doesn’t want to get his blood all over Eren. He’s sure it’s a good amount of time before he’ll starve to death, considering his previous impoverished upbringing he could do without a lot.  
For long.

He thinks about this as he listens, ear pressed hard against Eren’s chest.

He stops himself.

How foolish.

Even with Eren’s body becoming stiff beneath him he still hopes- perhaps there is a delay, perhaps there’s something they don’t know, that Eren might just be healing slowly, deceivingly, and there’s no reason to abandon any will, any ambition. Because soon Eren will be with him again.  


Levi will reprimand him for prioritizing his life over his own.

While it is Levi's responsibility to control him, kill him, there isn’t any point in that if Eren is dead.

Eren would probably go all quiet, and agree in that unsure fashion he usually does, until Levi gets closer, in his face and demands an affirmative, confirms they’re clear and then Eren would be certain-

Eren is certainly dead.

And Levi is certain he’s being a goddamn idiot.

Why, he wonders, does at this time- why does Eren’s face in death have to look as if he’s sleeping?

It’s exactly this face that Levi has had to bring himself to wake, near every morning. Though Eren is a soldier and should be early to rise, it's especially after training pertaining to shifting (and having to deal with Hanji) he always slept soundly. Long. 

He couldn’t get out of bed until Levi comes for him and unchains him, so Levi had figured and agreed it’d be alright if Eren slept up until the point of his collection.

It’d not been entirely alright.

How many times had Levi sat at the edge, at the foot of Eren’s bed, drawing closer with each and every other visit. How many times, how many minutes, hours had he been delayed to wake the boy from when he ought to- on seeing this face. Deprived of its burden, deprived of the heated rage and determination that tarnished, sullied and exalted it. Every feature. While Levi needs all that when Eren is awake, his face when he is dreaming, sleeping- is so peaceful- will his face look as this should humanity finally be victorious, and all the titans are eradicated?

Will it look as this, his eyelashes stupidly long against soft cheeks, his brow unfurrowed, his mouth tortuously with no part, no breath- looking equally soft- a tempting sleeping beauty. Levi laughs to himself, maybe all the shifters slept so soundly. That girl within the female titan had escaped their grasp by becoming sleeping beauty as well, but her face not nearly as peaceful as Eren’s.

When Levi had ripped Eren from her during that failed expedition- his face had been as this too. How hard Levi fought, those scales never balanced, whatever weight Mikasa had not been able to carry he’d undertaken for himself. It’d weighed heavily on his mind then, Eren’s face. Within that deep slumber- painfully familiar- reminding him-

The number of times before he woke Eren- leaning over him, hands supported, pressing heavily into the thin mattress on both sides of Eren’s shoulders, hovering his mouth over Eren’s, how many times did he wonder if Eren would wake- should he kiss him?

Even now, though he must seek to abandon all hope.

Levi thinks.

A hundred, a thousand, a million times it’d been at least.

If he kisses Eren this time, will Eren wake?

It reaches, a cavity in the chest, gaping, a fever that scorches from the front of his brain to the back- this thought, this desire and need- be it the last thing he do and for all his rationale it’d just been plain bravado.

Resting his hands on both sides by Eren’s face, does he finally lean forward and kisses Eren.

First gently.

Fully, trying to be as soft as the unresponsive lips he presses to his own.

He pulls back.

Waits.

When Eren doesn’t open his eyes Levi tries again.

Kissing more roughly, biting, prying, grasping Eren’s head, his hair, trying to get inside, he doubts should Eren wake would Eren willingly let him inside. With that thought, biting especially hard when the pain of his broken leg disrupts his movements- Levi ruts himself against Eren’s stomach, pushing Eren’s shirt up and unbuttoning his own trousers and pulling them down enough so he can feel Eren’s cool flesh becoming colder as his own heats up. Deludes himself that whatever heat he gives Eren is Eren’s heat as well (lies, lies- how hot would Eren burn, how furious, how desperate he’d be if-) as kissing him, for every time he’d not, every moment he’d contemplated, he’d vaguely thought, every good morning, good day and good night- Levi unbuttons Eren’s trousers and pulling them down, his wrist brushing against Eren’s limp cock as he spreads Eren’s legs (stiff, they’re starting to-) and enters him- twice- more- the number of times he’s kissed him just now. Moaning, grunting, partially from what pain that lingers in broken bones and the pleasure that starts to override it.

Dead or alive Eren is his.

That Eren died to protect him makes Eren his- Eren-

Levi says it over and over- Eren Eren Eren _Eren Eren Eren_ -

As if Eren might hear it, somehow, some where. How Levi loves to call Eren's name. Loved to say it, loved to hear Eren reply to it, loved to see him turn to him, dutifully, without fail.

Eren is the only sound between Levi’s haggard breath and moans.

The bruises Eren had been so capable of quickly healing, remain on him.

Levi had tried to be gentle but with no encouragement or plea as incentive given Eren did not (cannot) respond he hadn’t been able to hold back. If Eren’s hip hadn’t been broken before, that leg, it is now as Levi comes inside Eren, his groan as he does so caught between what could have been a sob and a retch.

Breathing heavily he lies his head back where it’d been when he’d woke.

Resting until he looks upon Eren’s face again, tarnished, bitten and moist, his mouth. It parts, his lips, but no air flows into them.

His sleeping beauty will not wake.

Levi cannot wake him.

Levi cannot ever wake Eren again.

Levi listens to his own heartbeat, the sound incomplete.

Closing his eyes.

So he may not even see the light of the sky turn dark and light again, how many times?

Surely not as many times as Levi had missed kissing Eren before now.

Levi listens until he can’t even hear silence.


End file.
